"K.C. Boyce" <email@example.com> opined the following:
>What's up with these UUC procedures?
>Shouldn't we, as *sophisticated BMW owners* drink wine in measured
Why waste good wine when there's great Scotch to be savored? Here's the only proper, factory approved means of setting that poor, neglected E30 clock.
1. Select a fine single malt scotch, break the tax seal and pour two fingers into a highball glass. Ice is allowable, that is if you feel the need to pollute a perfectly good single malt with what passes for water in your community. Take your first sip. Roll it slowly upon the tongue to provide the maximum evaporative effect. Savor the divine redolence of your selection: peat, smoke, seaweed, wood, all varying in quantity and strength depending upon the distillery selected. Enjoy. Relax.
2. Turn on Speedvision in your garage. (Check your local cable provider for availability.) Set volume on 'in-car realistic'.
3. Have another taste. Wait for the furst rush of exuberance as the alcohol seeps into your bloodstream. Sip again. Sigh deeply and bask in the knowledge that all is right in the world and soon, very soon, so shall it be with your OBC.
4. Take fourt sip and enjoy the numbing effect that it has upon the tongue, epiglottis, nose, eye sockets and base of the skull. Fill galss again. Take a mighty golp. Look at car longingly.
6. Enjoy a big honking swig from the bottle for this is the way that the true Scots could have drank it and if it may have been good enough for them, then dammit, it's good enuoug h for you. Beat chest.
4. Gaze longingly at your car and wonder what could possibly be wrong with it that more Scotctch would cure. Smash glass against wall and pull hard from the bottle. Grin sheepishly. Focus mightily upon OBC.
51. Poke desperately at all the little buttons on the OBCDEFG. HI. Wonder loudly what 3.1.1 TYP means when you press the 1000 and 1. Look for the ctrl-alt-del keys. Swear loudly at Microsoft for being the bane of your existence. Swear loudly at the justice department for breaking them up and messing up your portfolio. Bask in the knowledge that ironic hypocrisy is now completely lost upon you. Toss anothr back. Swear loudly at the world. Grin. Yesssss... scotchhhh.
96T. Remove the Cross pen stuck in the center of your palm and hurl it into the farthest fargin corner of the garage never to be seen agin. Cursed, wretched, horrid pen. Examine hole in palm and take a hefty culp, purely fro mecdicinal porpoises. Aaaahhhh...haahahaaaahhaaa! Sctchcocht!
ZXZ. Press 1000/a/0a/1/0/1///--00 butons. Giggle. Prss MPG, VBF, TRX and NFW. STFU. Giggle louder. Thimk aboot the Discovery Channel. Howl.
41az. Celebrate the birth of OBCWanKenobie3PO with a cele bratory celebraa. Stocht. YAH! Smile stupitly.
31asdf asd. Towelz. Split. Stt. smf.afsd.f
See? Even easier than you thought. You don't even need a manual. Just watch out for the next day.
Porridgehead - not part of the solution, only the precipitate.